This is far too classic not to share, archive and retain in every way possible. You just gotta love the old douchebag!

Q. I’m a 47-year-old man and my wife is 49. We got married four years ago. Two days ago, she came back from the doctor and told me she has genital herpes. I am floored. She said she just found out. She said she must have contracted it years ago and never had an outbreak until 10 days ago. She has been to the doctor countless times over the last 20 years. I don’t know what to think. Is it really possible she didn’t know? I know she needs me to be a loving husband now, but it’s hard when I can’t believe she just found out about this. If she knew about it and lied to me, my trust is destroyed. Also, how can our marriage survive when I can’t bring myself to have sex with her? What do you think? —MARRIAGE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE

A. I think you’re being a douche, MIST. But, hey, everyone’s entitled to a little douchebaggery now and then. The wife’s got a sexually transmitted infection—that’s upsetting and you’re freaked. Understandable. You’re also overreacting and misinformed, MIST, and continued douchebaggery on your part may end your marriage. So let’s set down the douchebag and start getting informed, OK? “His wife could have been exposed to the herpes virus decades ago,” says Karen J. Pataky, a nurse practitioner and clinician at Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington. Which means it’s possible that your wife didn’t know, MIST—believe it. Why would she suddenly have an outbreak? “Her immune system could have kept it contained all this time,” says Pataky. “As we near 50, our immune systems become a little less competent to deal with certain things.” As for all those trips to the doctor? “None of the medical situations that MIST describes would lead a physician to check for herpes antibodies; she would not know through routine blood tests, either.” (MIST included some details about his wife’s medical history that I shared with Pataky.) And guess what, MIST? If your wife could have been infected for years without knowing, then you could have been infected for years without knowing. Pataky connects the suppurating dots: “It’s possible that he is the one who infected her and he has not had an outbreak. Or he had a small outbreak and it went away quickly and he didn’t think twice about it.”

If it turns out that you’re not already exposed, MIST, you can use condoms at all times to protect yourself—but condoms don’t provide 100 percent protection against herpes. So why not do the decent, loving thing and just assume you’re already infected and refuse to let a piddling thing like herpes destroy your marriage?

“Cancer, HIV, heart attacks—that’s horrible news,” says Pataky. “This is not horrible news. Herpes is not something to ruin a marriage over, medically speaking. It’s never life-threatening and it’s possible to go years without any outbreaks.”

So, MIST, do you love your wife more than you fear a relatively mild STI that you’ve probably already been exposed to and may have exposed your wife to in the first place? If the answer to that question isn’t “yes,” MIST, you’re a bigger douche than I thought.

Tags: herpes, marriage, relationship, sexual health

Many times, it is never considered what the general population thinks about being single in an “average world” until you find yourself living with an incurable sexually transmitted virus.

Upon being diagnosed and for the many month’s and years that will follow, that is a question that plagues the mind of those affected by such a life-altering revelation. In an attempt to gain a general consensus of what exactly goes through the minds of those who are in the “non” population, we have asked several people who live their lives free of STDs what their thoughts and views are on the topic of STDs (primarily herpes and hpv).

We anonymously sent out one female and one male to openly disclose their status to random singles they found on Internet dating sites and here is what they had to say:

When we asked several people if they had ever met or dated someone with an STD, the answers were all a resounding “no” however, after pondering the thought, some indicated they could not be certain as most times the topic would not come up in their involvements.

Each participant proceeded with positive comments indicating they truly believed that sex was not the cornerstone of relationships. Though they had never given it much thought, they had always had the mindset that STDs were something that came as an afterthought and were not to be considered an issue if they engaged in safe sex until they were deeply involved in a committed relationship, at which time they would believe they were “safe” from such issues.

Amazingly, when asked if they knew of any family or friends who lived with Herpes or HPV, the results were low in numbers of those who actually knew someone who did.

One man stated he had a couple of friends, male and female whom are married to each other who both carry the Herpes virus, while his sister had become infected with the HPV virus after her husband had stepped outside their marriage. Although he knew of friends and family who had these viruses he considered his knowledge on the topics to be rather low when taking into account his recent research on reputable websites.

When we asked our participants if they had ever been tested for STDs, each one stated they had been. They (all participants) were, however, not aware if those tests were likely incomplete.

We informed our participants that It is very common for an STD screen to not include Herpes, HPV or HIV testing without the person being tested specifically requesting those tests. Each one stated they were shocked and dismayed that they had been lead to believe they were thoroughly tested.

We then asked our participants if they ever thought about the risk of STDs in their general dating practices. Each participant gave their own accounts of forethought however, most common was the fact that they believe it takes time to get to know the person and that if a treatable STD is part of who that person is, it is an issue that can be addressed if the relationship reaches a level of intimacy. Most pleasing to myself in composing this article, was the common belief that Herpes and HPV were nothing to be feared, but rather subjects to be more understood.

Next we asked what each one felt their level of education was on the topic of STDs. One man stated that prior to having met our participant, he had not given it much thought. However since that time he has developed an “unquenchable thirst for knowledge in an area that could very well affect his life at some point.”

Lastly we asked if they were given a choice to know immediately or later on in a relationship (prior to sex of course) that the person they are interested in has Herpes or HPV, what would they prefer. Every person that participated in our study indicated they would prefer knowing immediately. They believe it suggests the person is comfortable with who they are and also gives strong indication of an honest and unselfish character.

Though our participants were selected at random, I personally can’t help believe this would be the general consensus if the study were to be conducted on a much broader scale.

The fact remains, no one appreciates having decisions made for them, this includes a person who’s life is affected by a sexually transmitted virus, making the decision to not consider exploring a relationship with a non infected person without at least conversing with that person and taking into consideration what they would do if given the choice. Though it might not have been the circumstances for the person carrying that social burden, it is a choice that person can now allow others to make.

This site does not recommend placing limitations on your dating potential, but if you feel more comfortable dating someone with the same STD as you, we recommend you check out Positive Singles - The largest online dating site for people with STD’s.

People searching for Dating Herpes have also found our information helpful by searching for:

herpes dating, herpes dating site, herpes online dating, herpes dating service, free herpes dating, dating herpes hpv peoplewithherpes.com, herpes dating services, dating dating herpes hpv peoplewithherpes.com, genital herpes dating, herpes dating web site, christian dating herpes, dating herpes hsv peoplewithherpes.com, herpes dating canada, dating someone with herpes, free herpes dating site, herpes woman dating, black herpes dating, dating herpes love sex, 437737 dating herpes hpv

As its name suggests, HSV-2 isn’t the only herpes virus out there. HSV-1, the virus that causes cold sores, is much more common. As of 1999-2004, 57.7 percent of Americans carry the virus — down slightly from the 62 percent HSV-1 infection rate seen in 1988-1994.

There’s some bad news here: HSV-1 is causing more genital herpes than ever before. About 2 percent of people with HSV-1 infection — but not HSV-2 — have genital herpes.

“Our findings are consistent with previous reports that genital herpes caused by HSV-1 may be increasing in the United States, as in other developed countries,” Xu and colleagues note.

The researchers warn that the herpes virus that causes cold sores may one day become a more important cause of genital herpes. One factor: The increase in teen oral sex that’s helping stop HSV-2 spread may be increasing genital infections with HSV-1.

Xu and colleagues report their findings in the Aug. 23/30 issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association.

More on CBS News

Tags: genital herpes, herpes, hsv, hsv1, hsv2, oral herpes, oral sex, sex